Price: Your soul (or just your credit card).
Finally, a shirt that matches your resting-death-stare and your "I’m probably better than you" energy. This isn't just a garment; it’s a uniform for the CEO of the Afterlife. Featuring a skeletal sea-goat—because we all know Capricorns are just goats who survived the abyss—and a constellation map to help you navigate your way to world domination.
Why you need this:
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Witchy Aesthetic: Blacker than your favorite coffee and twice as bitter.
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The Sea-Goat: Represents your ability to climb mountains of paperwork and swim through the tears of your enemies.
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High-Quality Fabric: Durable enough to survive a ritual, or just a really long shift at a job you hate.
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Exclusive Vibes: Practically screams "I live at 13 Blackheart Way and I don't take uninvited visitors."
Stop pretending you don’t want it. We both know you’ve already calculated the ROI on this purchase. Buy the shirt, embrace the gloom, and get back to work.
The Technical Bits (Since you’re obsessed with details)
Because you’re a Capricorn, we know you expect this garment to last longer than your longest-running grudge. Here is how to keep your new favorite void-black shirt from looking like a dusty relic before its time.
Product Features
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100% Ring-Spun Cotton: Softer than your cold, calculating heart. It’s breathable, because even a high-functioning sociopath needs to vent.
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Pre-Shrunk Fabric: Unlike your patience, this shirt won't disappear after one minor inconvenience (or wash cycle).
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Shoulder-to-Shoulder Taping: Extra structure to help you carry the weight of being the only competent person in the room.
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Double-Stitched Seams: Reinforced for durability, because we know you’re going to wear this until the heat death of the universe.
Care Instructions (Don't Screw This Up)
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Wash Cold: Like your soul. High heat is for people who don't care about structural integrity—and that's not you.
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Turn Inside Out: Protect the goat and the stars from the violence of the machine. It’s called "self-preservation," look it up.
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Tumble Dry Low: Or just hang it in a dark corner of your room at 13 Blackheart Way and let the gloom air-dry it.
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Do Not Iron the Print: Unless you want to summon the scent of burning rubber and regret. If it's wrinkled, just use your natural steam—we know you’re simmering with repressed rage anyway.
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No Bleach: Obviously. We’re going for "Gothic Overlord," not "Accidental Tie-Dye Disaster."
| |
XS |
S |
M |
L |
XL |
2XL |
3XL |
4XL |
| Width, in |
16.50 |
18.00 |
20.00 |
22.00 |
24.00 |
26.00 |
28.00 |
30.00 |
| Length, in |
27.00 |
28.00 |
29.00 |
30.00 |
31.00 |
32.00 |
33.00 |
34.00 |
| Sleeve length, in |
8.60 |
8.90 |
9.20 |
9.50 |
9.70 |
10.00 |
10.40 |
10.80 |
| Size tolerance, in |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY
Product information: Bella+Canvas 3001, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC
Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Blank product sourced from Honduras
Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: medium heat, Do not dryclean
