Because let’s be honest: your personality is a bit too much for a sleepy Massachusetts town to handle anyway. This shirt features the bold proclamation "Not all witches live in Salem," which is a polite way of telling people that you’re just as magical (and potentially dangerous) right here in the suburbs.
Featuring the "I’m Definitely Not a Hex Risk" Starter Pack:
A Full Moon: For when you need everyone to know your mood swings are scientifically tied to lunar cycles.
The "I Saw That" Cat: A familiar who is clearly judging your life choices more than your neighbors are.
A Fleet of Bats: Because nothing says "leave me alone" quite like a swarm of nocturnal mammals.
A Broom: Technically for transportation, but mostly used for sweeping the vibes of unwanted houseguests out the front door.
It’s black, it’s snarky, and it’s perfect for the witch who prefers a quiet night of manifestation over being a tourist attraction. Wear it while brewing "tea" (it’s definitely just tea, officer) or while wandering the aisles of a craft store looking for the perfect shade of "existential crisis" purple.
Coven-Approved Care Instructions
Since we know you’d rather spend your time hexing the patriarchy than folding laundry, here is how to keep your darkness from fading into a mediocre shade of "unresolved issues."
The Cold Shoulder: Wash in cold water only. Heat is for the living and for people who don't mind their clothes shrinking into doll outfits.
The Inside-Out Ritual: Turn the shirt inside-out before tossing it into the machine. This protects the cat, the bats, and your pride from the violence of the spin cycle.
Shadow Dry: Tumble dry on low heat or, better yet, hang it to dry in a dark, drafty room. Excessive heat will kill the graphics faster than a botched seance.
No Chemical Warfare: Keep the bleach far away. We’re going for "mysterious entity," not "accidental tie-dye disaster."
Iron with Caution: If you absolutely must iron, avoid the print. Ironing the cat directly will result in a sticky mess and a very flat familiar.
